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Rating: PG13
Spoilers: Repression Summary: J/C, Janeway and Chakotay deal with the events of Repression. (13k) Archive: I would be honored if you want to archive it. Please let me know where so I can visit it. Author's Note: This story won 2nd Place in Love Through the Years Repression Fic Contest. Thanks to Hubby, Jade, and KimK for beta reading. © January 25, 2003 Disclaimer: Voyager and its characters belong to Paramount Pictures. No infringement intended. |
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Kathryn looked up from her PADD as her tactical and first officers walked in. They were still wearing their Maquis leather uniforms, along with uncertain looks on their faces, as they stood at attention in front of her desk.
"What's the status of the crew?" she asked.
"I have melded with each of the affected crewmembers. The doctor is examining them, but they are all expected to recover," Tuvok said.
Kathryn nodded. "Commander, how is morale?"
Chakotay shifted his weight but otherwise remained outwardly calm. "It's really too soon to say, Captain. The former Maquis seem to be nervous, embarrassed, with some guilt starting to set in. The Starfleet personnel seem nervous and a little skittish. I think it's going to take some time to repair the damage."
Kathryn sighed and rubbed her forehead. "We've done so well these past seven years. Now to have something like this." She leaned forward and fisted her hands on the desk. "I'd like to find Teero and strangle him."
Chakotay grimaced and Tuvok raised an eyebrow at the uncharacteristic outburst. "Captain?" he queried.
Kathryn fluttered a hand at him. "I know, Tuvok, I know." She stood and went to pace in front of her view port, running a hand through her hair. Turning and gesturing with her hand, she said, "I wish we had a ship's counselor. Everyone is going to need help dealing with this. I don't want it to turn into long term problems."
"We could use one of the holodeck programs. They're not the same as a live person, but it would be something," Chakotay offered.
Kathryn nodded as she paced. "How are Tom and B'Elanna doing?"
Chakotay smiled briefly. "I talked to them for a minute. Now they're angry at me and re-bonding over the fact that I shot both of them."
Kathryn smiled back, and then looked away. "How are the two of you coping? And Tuvok, I don't want to hear that everything is fine. Even from a physical standpoint, melding with that many people in so short a time must have exhausted you. I want you to take at least a day to rest and mediate."
"You are correct, captain, things are far from - fine, but I will recover," Tuvok said. "I appreciate your concern after all that has happened."
Kathryn looked up at him, surprised. "Tuvok, you can't be blaming yourself for this, or thinking that I blame you. This was completely beyond your control. In fact, I'm amazed you were able to break through the conditioning at all, much less so quickly. You should be proud of yourself."
Again, he raised an eyebrow at her - the Vulcan equivalent of an emotional outburst. "I may have overcome Teero's programming, but I cannot see anything in this incident to feel proud of."
Kathryn walked forward and looked at Tuvok and Chakotay. She saw they were both struggling with what had happened and neither would meet her eyes. She put a hand on Tuvok's shoulder. "Rest and meditate. Or as humans say, it will all look better in the morning."
Tuvok nodded.
Janeway turned back to her desk. She picked up a PADD and tapped it. Data scrolled by, but she was not really seeing any of it. Still looking at the PADD, she asked, "Commander, at any time during the incident, were you able to break free of Teero's control?"
Chakotay flinched, his eyes went wide, as he struggled to find a way to answer her.
Tuvok interrupted, "Captain, the conditioning he received via the mind meld was too strong for anyone who was not heavily trained to resist."
"Thank you, Tuvok," Janeway replied. She nodded at Tuvok, dismissing him.
When the door closed behind him, she looked up at Chakotay. He avoided her gaze, looking instead at the wall behind her. She sighed and walked to the replicator, getting a coffee for herself and tea for him.
She took them to the couch and sat, patting the seat beside her. "Chakotay, why don't you sit down before you fall down. This can't have been easy for you either."
Warily he crossed to the couch and sat at the far end. He rested his hands on his knees and looked at his fingers.
"Chakotay, we can't ignore what happened. I can't ignore it. We have a... situation that has to be resolved if the ship's command structure is going to survive."
He drew in a sharp breath and pulled his fingers back, balling his hands into fists.
Kathryn looked at him intently. "Chakotay, I'll repeat the question. At any time during the incident, were you able to break free of Teero's control?"
She had spent most of the mutiny in the brig. Chakotay had intercepted her on her way to the bridge and marched her back to a cell. It was maddening, knowing her ship was being taken over by her most trusted officers - her friends, and being helpless to stop it.
The security officer guarding her refused to engage in conversation once she began to probe into his motivation for going along with the mutiny. After that she alternated between pacing and sitting, glaring at the forcefield.
Hours later, the door opened, and Chakotay walked in. She noted he was wearing his old uniform, the casual but durable leather of the Maquis. If the situation hadn't been so dire, she would have taken a moment to appreciate the sight.
She stood and walked up to the forcefield. "To what do I owe this pleasure, Commander?" she asked dryly.
He didn't respond, instead he paced back and forth. His face alternated from the blank expression he wore when he confined her to the brig to one of agitation.
After a minute, he stopped pacing and stared at her. He stepped forward. The light of the forcefield shimmered between them.
She locked eyes with him, trying to reach him somehow.
His eyes cleared and he looked at her, really looked at her, his expression pained and confused. He reached out his hand toward her.
"Chakotay?" she whispered. "Are you in there? This isn't you, fight it."
He pulled back abruptly, as if suddenly realizing the barrier was there. He frowned and shook his head. Turning on his heel he left the brig.
Kathryn sighed and slumped back onto the bench. She let her head fall forward into her hands.
Kathryn cooled her heels, in her own brig, for several more hours. When a guard finally came for her, she didn't know whether to laugh or cry. The new captain wanted to talk to her. It was like a nightmare. At some point Chakotay and Tuvok were going to wake up and kick themselves. She just hoped it wouldn't be too late.
She swept her eyes around the room as she walked into her ready room. She noted that Tuvok, Chakotay, and Ayala were there and Tuvok was unarmed. Maybe Chakotay didn't trust him? She wondered if there was any way to use that to her advantage.
The next few minutes were a blur. She watched Chakotay hand Tuvok a phaser. Her life flashed before her eyes as Tuvok hesitated and then pointed it at her and fired. The phaser sparked and then fizzled out. She breathed again.
She was vaguely aware of Tuvok and Ayala being dismissed. Chakotay offered her a seat, she took it, and watched him replicate tea and coffee. Kathryn considered refusing the coffee, but she was deeply shaken by what had just happened and needed the comfort. Chakotay watched her, but didn't say anything as she took a deep swallow from her cup.
She caught him by surprise when she spoke. "I can't believe you asked Tuvok to shoot me. If you cared at all about him as a member of your crew, how could you ask him to kill one of his closest friends?" She shook her head. "I know you, your ideals, your code of honor, and I can't believe... It's not you, Chakotay, and somewhere inside, you must know it too." She closed her eyes for a moment. Then, very quietly, "I can't believe you would do that, to me."
Chakotay froze, his hand lifting his cup part way to his mouth. His face darkened and the muscles of his face and arm twitched. Finally, he brought the cup up the rest of the way up in stages, as if something was pulling against it. He took a sip and set it down more smoothly.
"I didn't bring you here to discuss my crew or my ship," he said.
"Our crew, our ship, Chakotay. You know this isn't right." She reached out and touched his hand before he could react.
He pulled his hand back, stood quickly, and walked up to the view port. "I brought you here to tell you about the planet we've located. We'll be there in a few hours. It's class M and seems to be uninhabited. You and your crew should be able to establish a successful colony there."
While he was speaking, Kathryn stood and walked over to stand next to him. Now she was standing beside him, trying to think of something that would break through Teero's brainwashing.
"A nice, uninhabited, M-class planet. Sounds familiar somehow." She watched him for any flicker of recognition, and was rewarded with a change in his expression. "Do you remember how we worked together when we were stranded? And this crew came back for us."
She saw Chakotay shudder. He grimaced and rubbed his temple. Kathryn hoped he was struggling against Teero's programming.
"Chakotay," she pleaded, "you'll never forgive yourself if you strand the crew on that planet." She put a hand on his arm. "You'll never forgive yourself if you strand me there and fly away."
He was shaking now. She could see the conflict in his eyes.
"You have to fight him!" She stepped forward suddenly and grabbed his shoulders. She gave him a quick shake. "Look at me, Chakotay. It's Kathryn. You don't want to do this!"
She could have sworn she saw his eyes clear and that it was Chakotay looking back at her again. But then he raised his own hands and grabbed onto her shoulders, hard, stopping her.
She stared into his eyes, frozen, barely breathing, her heart hammering in her chest.
She looked at him now, sitting next to her, looking like he might snap at any moment. She knew the strain was tremendous. "Chakotay?" she started, and reached out to touch his arm.
He bolted out of his seat before she could touch him. She watched him pace back to the desk, stopping and leaning on it with his head down. He spoke so quietly that she almost didn't hear him. "I tried so hard, Kathryn. You heard Tuvok. Teero's mind control was very strong, very advanced."
Kathryn walked up behind him and stood just to his side. "Chakotay, I know this is difficult... for both of us, but I need to know." She tentatively put her hand on his shoulder.
He turned his head slightly and looked at her. She could see the pain and grief etched in his face. He looked back down at his hands, still leaning his weight on her desk.
She squeezed his shoulder. "We've known each other for seven years. I like to think of them as seven very good years."
He let go of the desk and straightened up. As he did, he looked up at her again, and she thought she saw the faintest glimmer of hope in his eyes.
She rubbed his shoulder gently, then she reached out and took hold of both shoulders, much as she had done before. "If we're going to go forward, I have to know. Was that all just part of Teero's plan, or was any of it you?"
Chakotay stared at her for what seemed like hours, then he reached up and put his hands on her shoulders, as he'd done before.
She drew in a sharp breath as he pulled her closer. The present and the memory of the scene a few hours ago blended together. She watched, mesmerized as his lips descended to hers.
"This part was me," he said, as he crushed her to him and kissed her.
Kathryn leaned into him and slid her arms up and around his neck, deepening the kiss, much to his surprise.
After a minute, Chakotay pulled back and looked at Kathryn with happiness mixed with confusion on his face.
Kathryn blushed slightly and gave him a shy smile he hadn't seen before. "Stress tends to bring out a person's true nature. And I think my first officer told me just a few days ago, a close relationship is hardly a crime."
Chakotay raised an eyebrow. "I've heard that emotional attachments often lead to unpredictable behavior."
Kathryn's grin became more confident. "That's an opinion, do you have any evidence?"
His face broke into a broad grin. "I think I could find some," he said, as he pulled her in and kissed her again.
THE END
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