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Rating: PG
Spoilers: Prime Factors Summary: J/C, An experience on Sicarus causes Chakotay to seek guidance from his father.(17k) Archive: I would be honored if you want to archive it. Please let me know where so I can visit it. Author's Note: Thanks to Dakota, Caffey, Katie, Nieke, and Hubby for beta reading. © July 13, 2002 Disclaimer: Voyager and its characters belong to Paramount Pictures. No infringement intended. |
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"A-koo-chee-moya," Chakotay intoned as he sat quietly on the floor of his cabin. As he breathed deeply and rhythmically, the sterile Starfleet issue walls melted away -- replaced by the fragrant green of the forest.
It had been a long time since he'd sought the advice of his spirit guide or his father, but lately he had been increasingly unhappy. He thought back to when it had started. Ever since they had visited "that" planet. Things had been going so well before "him".
They had been trading for supplies with the natives of Sicarus, a warp capable society with a hearty appetite for commerce, recreation, and art. Later he had discovered there were a few more things on the list as well - like Kathryn. Things hadn't been the same ever since answering their "distress" call and bringing that snake Gath on board Voyager.
Even Tuvok had been caught up in it, helping B'Elanna and Seska to trade Voyager's library for the Sicarian transportation technology, only to find out that it required their entire planet to make it work - not exactly portable. And now Kathryn felt betrayed and was more withdrawn than ever.
"I should have met with him myself... and strangled him," Chakotay muttered.
"Ah, Chakotay, I see you've gotten in touch with the violent side of your nature. Perhaps now we can go hunting together, or maybe you'd rather continue sitting there ignoring us?"
Chakotay's head shot up, and he saw his father sitting on a fallen tree trunk a few feet away. Beside Kolopak sat a familiar wolf. She cocked her head at him as well, waiting for an answer.
"Father?" Chakotay looked at him, confused as the words sank in. "I was a child then. I didn't have any idea what I wanted or what life was really about."
"So then, you'll come hunting with us now?" His father smiled, holding out his hand. The wolf pricked up her ears and looked eagerly at Chakotay, but she remained strangely silent.
Chakotay took his hand and stood, but shook his head. "No, I didn't come here to hunt. I came here because I'm unhappy."
"Ah yes. And because you want to kill that man, Gath," his father nodded knowingly.
Chakotay looked at his father in shock. "I would never kill a man in cold blood. I was just speaking out of frustration." He looked away, "You of all people know I'm not a violent man."
Kolopak nodded, "I see. Of course not." He paused and looked hard at his son. "That must be why you were such a brilliant tactician. Why they sought you out to teach tactics at the academy, and why they sent the pride of their fleet to hunt you down when you joined the Maquis." Kolopak looked away, "If you were any more of a pacifist, I doubt anyone would be alive to tell the story."
Chakotay sat down heavily on the log, stunned by his father's words. "I did what I had to do." He murmured. "After all of you were killed, I had to put a stop to it. To end the bloodshed."
Kolopak put a hand on his shoulder. "You've always been so full of contradictions. One of these days, you will need to sit down with yourself and decide who you really are." His father's words were stern, but his eyes were full of love and compassion for his son. "How can you expect your daughter to know who she is, if her father doesn't know himself? Her mother certainly won't be able to help." Kolopak shook his head, laughing softly. "Son, you have chosen the perfect woman. She is the only person more confused about who she is than even you are. You're going to make quite a pair."
"If you're speaking of Kathryn, things are not going well between us. I don't know if they ever will," Chakotay finished sadly.
"Your captain can't decide if she wants to be a human being or a Star---fleet---captain," he said, dramatically emphasizing the last words. "Son, if you don't help her, she will lose herself, and where will that leave my grand-daughter."
Suddenly, without anything else changing, Kolopak was holding an infant. She was wrapped in a soft blanket and appeared to be sleeping. He leaned down and placed her in Chakotay's arms. Then Kolopak stepped back as he watched Chakotay looking at his daughter with amazement.
"She's beautiful," he breathed, as he pulled the blanket back from her face to get a better look. The baby stirred and blinked, finally opening her eyes. She looked all around, and then her eyes found Chakotay's and she smiled a huge, heart melting, baby grin. To Chakotay, it was as if everything else in the universe disappeared and there was only that tiny, smiling face.
She reached up with her chubby hand and patted his face, squealing happily. He caught her hand, and looked at her eyes. They were still a dark blue, but her soft halo of hair had a slightly reddish tinge to it.
"I can't believe she's mine," Chakotay said, when he found his voice again.
"She isn't yours -- yet," Kolopak said gently, as he lifted the baby out of Chakotay's arms.
"Father," Chakotay called, as he reached out for them. "What do I do?"
"What did you teach your students?" Kolopak answered. "Did you tell them to wait and hope their opponent would just decide to surrender?"
"No, of course not. I taught them strategy and tactics, to learn all they could about their opponent, and then use it to defeat them." As he said the last, a new understanding dawned on him.
His father smiled broadly as he, Taya, and the wolf faded away. The rest of the forest melted back into his cabin walls as Chakotay sat digesting what he had learned.
Chakotay spent the next week taking his own advice. He had certainly paid attention to Kathryn since coming on board, and had spent hours watching her, but he had not studied her. Appreciated would have been a better description. But now he studied her, her habits, her likes, her dislikes. They were all carefully stored away as he formulated his strategy.
The wound Tuvok had left with his deception was an opportunity, and Chakotay seized it. Kathryn felt isolated without her old friend, but she was cautious after the experience with that Sicarian Don Juan, Gath. He proceeded carefully, working to make her feel supported and secure. After all, it was the truth. It was just a matter of getting her to see it.
If Kathryn would turn to him for advice, as a sounding board, and then for companionship, she might finally allow herself to love him. But she was stubborn and Chakotay knew even if he managed to win her heart, it would be a struggle to get her to acknowledge it - as long as her ship was stranded in the Delta Quadrant.
It was a long process, separating his role as her first officer from the man who escorted her to parties after hours and met with her for breakfast before they went on duty. But slowly and inexorably he persevered, until one day he saw her look at him with an expression he hadn't seen before.
Several months later they were married.
A year later Kathryn stood in their cabin, looking in the mirror, her hand resting on her swollen belly. She was lost in thought, wondering how she had come to this point. Well, certain parts of the equation were obvious. But she was a Starfleet captain, and captains did not have babies while in command of starships, and certainly not with their first officers.
Her forehead wrinkled and she sighed as she thought about it. "What was I thinking?" She murmured.
Kathryn felt his warm arms sliding around her waist and coming to rest with his hands covering her own. Their rings clinked together gently as he held her hands. "I think you were enjoying yourself too much to think at the time," he chuckled against her neck. "I remember that I certainly was."
"That's not what I meant. I'm captain of this ship. I have no business having a baby," she sighed. "What about my crew?"
"It will all work out. Look how well Sam has done with Naomi," he hugged her gently. Then, in a more serious tone he continued, "And, it's a little late to be worrying about whether we should have; we did. What we need to do now is plan for the future."
"What if she doesn't have a future?" Kathryn asked quietly. The fearful tone in her voice alarmed Chakotay.
Chakotay held Kathryn for a moment, considering what she said. Then he unwrapped his arms from her and took her hand. "Come over here with me," he said leading her to the couch. He pulled a couple cushions off the couch and put them on the floor, and then helped her to sit on them.
When she was sitting comfortably, with her back to the couch, Chakotay sat down next to her. He opened his medicine bundle, laying each of the items on the table. "A-koo-chee-moya," he began, clasping Kathryn's hand as he closed his eyes and breathed deeply.
When he opened his eyes, he was sitting next to Kathryn in a forest, still holding her hand. He looked around and then nudged her gently. She opened her eyes and saw Kolopak standing a few feet away, holding a small bundle. "Chakotay, is that our baby?" Kathryn whispered, her hand going unconsciously to her swollen belly.
Chakotay nodded, and helped Kathryn to her feet.
"Come, have a look," Kolopak invited, smiling at them. Kathryn stepped forward and looked at the baby in Kolopak's arms.
"Can I hold her?" She asked timidly.
"Of course," Kolopak replied, gently passing her the baby. "He's been waiting a long time to see you."
Kathryn and Chakotay looked at him in surprise. "I thought you said we were having a girl?" Chakotay said.
"The Doctor confirmed I'm carrying a girl," Kathryn added, not sure what to make of this.
"Oh, this isn't Taya. She's off playing." Kolopak leaned forward, pulling the blankets aside and putting a finger in the baby's hand. He smiled when the infant grabbed hold of it. "This is my namesake, little Kolopak, Taya's brother."
Just then a little girl, who couldn't have been more than three, ran up and wrapped her arms around Kolopak's legs. "Love you grandpa," she squealed. Then, pointing, at Kathryn and Chakotay she asked, "Who are they?"
Kolopak knelt down and took her hand. "That's my son and his wife. They're going to be your parents. Would you like that?"
She nodded very seriously. "I like stars."
"Yes, that's right," Chakotay answered. "We live on a ship that flies through the stars. Would you like that?"
The little girl nodded vigorously. Chakotay scooped her up in his arms and held her as he looked back and forth between his son and his daughter.
Kathryn looked up at him, and then at Kolopak. "So tell me, why do we name them all after your family?"
Kolopak smiled at her, "His middle name is Kolopak, his full name is Edward Kolopak Janeway, but I call him Kol."
Kathryn smiled and nodded. Then she went back to softly stroking the baby's head. "He's beautiful."
"So is Taya," Chakotay said, bringing the girl closer to Kathryn.
She reached up and smoothed the little girl's hair. "I can't believe they're ours."
"As I said to my son, almost two years ago, they're not yours -- yet." He smiled at them as he retrieved the baby and took Taya by the hand. "But if you keep going on the path you've started, they soon will be."
Kolopak started to walk back into the forest with the children, but suddenly Taya broke away and ran back to them. Throwing her arms around Kathryn she gave her a big hug and a kiss. "Love you," she said, and then she dashed back to her grandfather. She waved happily to them as she faded into the forest.
Kathryn opened her eyes again, and she was once more seated on the floor of their cabin. She looked at her husband with a determined expression, "I don't care what we have to do, I want them."
"It won't be easy. Being the captain, and their mother," Chakotay started.
"I don't care. I'm going to do it," she said, her face softening. "I never realized it until this moment, but this is what I want. I always thought I wanted to be a captain, and later an admiral. But those are just titles, not a person. One day I'll retire and walk away from titles. This is who I am."
"You're giving up Starfleet?" Chakotay asked, stunned.
"No," she laughed. "That's just as much a part of who I am as these babies and you are. But, I think I just realized that I'm a human being first, and all of those things are parts, of me."
Chakotay smiled as he helped her struggle to her feet and walk into the bedroom. Once they were in bed he rolled up on his side and gently ran his hand over her belly, "So, do you think it's too early to start working on Edward?"
THE END
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