KITI PARADISE LOST

This is the prologue to a promising story by Kiti . WARNING: YAOI! That means it contains homosexual stuff. I'm trying to bring a bit of diversity to these fanfiction collections, but anyone who isn't pleased by this kinda fic (e.g. me) BACK UP NOW. Mail to catsai@aol.com.

Paradise Lost: Prologue

Jenova was running her hands through his hair as he lay face down on the bed. She did that a lot. He wished she wouldn't. It reminded him of... someone else, a long time ago. Which was probably why she did it in the first place.

He tried not to shudder at her touch. This was difficult. At times, he found it hard to believe that creature could actually be his mother. She certainly didn't treat him like a son. More like... a possession. A tool, to be used and thrown away. Maybe that really was all he was, now. He snorted and rolled over.

Jenova sat up, frowning at him. "You're distracted."

He shrugged.

"You're thinking about him again, aren't you."

It wasn't really a question, so he didn't see any need to answer it. But he winced mentally. He'd finally managed to forget about that. Or at least, to convince himself that he had. Of course that woman would bring it up again.

Jenova moved away from the bed with a disgusted sound halfway between a sigh and a growl. Something on the desk caught her attention, and she knocked it off, onto the floor. There was a sound of something shattering. He glanced up. It was his photo, one of the few decorations he had in this room.

"What was that supposed to accomplish? Now there's glass shards all over the floor. Very mature, Mother."

"Shut up." She fished the photo, still in its frame, out of the wreckage and tossed it at him. "Why do you still have this?"

He turned the photo over in his hands and smiled slightly at the image of himself and the young blond man who'd just entered SOLDIER. It seemed like centuries since that picture had been taken.

"See? You're smiling again. The only time I ever see you smile is when you're staring at that damn photo."

He wondered vaguely if Cloud, after everything that had been done to him, still remembered him, the way he'd been before... well, before. From what he'd seen of Cloud lately, the young SOLDIER's mind had been shattered as badly as the glass from that picture frame. And of course, he was hardly in position to help him recover, now. He wondered what would have happened to him if he'd never found out about his mother. To both of them.

"Are you even listening to me?"

"Yes, Mother."

She grabbed the photo out of his hands and scowled at it for a moment, then tossed it back onto the bed. "Burn that. Now."

His gaze flickered toward her. "Why?"

"Don't question me! Just do it!" she shrilled.

He sighed as he pulled the photo out of its frame and reached for a Fire materia. The woman was insane. Not, of course, that this was any great revelation. But the way she flew into a jealous rage every time Cloud was even mentioned... it was getting ridiculous. It was no wonder she'd ordered him to attack Cloud, along with his companions. They were hardly a threat toward her 'great plan' for revenge on the Cetra. She was just trying to break her son just a little bit more, just proving to him once again that he was hers, completely, like a pet dog. Jenova's terrier.

And it was true. He knew that. He really was hers, now. And he couldn't disobey her. But watching as the corners of his old photo curled and blackened, a smile crept across his face.

Maybe he couldn't disobey her. Maybe she did own him, body and soul. But if he decided not to use unnecessary force in these so-easy battles, if he perhaps underestimated his foes a little, and Cloud escaped, and grew stronger... well, that was hardly his fault. And if, at night, he remembered sharing a bed with someone else, someone loving, someone human... there was
nothing she could do about that.

"What are you smiling about?"

A hand wrapped around his jaw and jerked his face up, away from the burning photo.

"It's gone. Do you understand? He's gone. He'll be dead soon, and even now, he'd kill you on sight. You've lost him. You're mine, now. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, Mother." Yes, Mother. No, Mother. Whatever you say, Mother. Would you like me to go walk off a cliff for you, Mother? As if he didn't already know that he'd ruined everything he'd had. He didn't even mourn its loss now, not really. He was beyond that. These little games Jenova played served no purpose. He realized that everything he'd had, everything he'd been, had been destroyed. He realized that he belonged to her now. Perhaps he was bitter over it, but that was certainly understandable. If he still felt regret, if he felt anything like human emotion at all, he'd buried it so deeply that even he didn't recognize it for what it was.

And if, late at night, he felt like crying without really understanding why... well, there was nothing he or Jenova could do about that.

He couldn't cry anymore, he'd found. Not didn't. Couldn't. Someone had told him once that crying was a human thing. And he wasn't really human anymore, was he?

Jenova drew her hand away, and his gaze fell back on the burning photo. It was little more than ashes, by now. He heard his mother heave a sigh and stride out of the room. He waited a moment, then drew a small, creased photo out from an inner pocket of his coat. He picked up the frame from where it had fallen on the floor and carefully slid the picture inside. He got up and
carefully placed the frame back on the desk.

He watched the photo for a moment, a faint smile on his face. It wasn't a very pleasant smile. He looked at the smiling faces, of a tall, silver-haired man, his arm around a laughing spiky-haired boy, and wondered if that had really been him.

Paradise, he thought to himself. Paradise lost.

The smile twisted a little. And then he followed Jenova out the door. 

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