Anne's Rose Garden - Reality Check

"You're not my father," she snarled at the entity. "You're not part of my mind; you have a specific agenda. Who are you?"

As if in answer, there was a sudden flash of light and she was back on the planet. For a moment she was with Chakotay, Tuvok, and the Doctor.

"This is what my species does," he shrugged, as a red vortex ominously appeared behind him.

Janeway sparred with the entity, as her crew battled to revive her. Finally, they prevailed, and she came back to them. She 'woke' in Chakotay's arms. His concern was obvious as he searched her face for some kind of recognition.

The Doctor took charge and ran his tricorder over her. After a moment he pronounced, "The other entity is gone. It's just the Captain. She should be fine after some rest."

She saw and heard it all in a blur. Chakotay and Tuvok helped her to her feet, and together they walked slowly back to the shuttle. She was dimly aware of Tuvok on one side and Chakotay's arm wrapped tightly around the other. She leaned into him as they walked back. Still uncertain which parts had been real, and which were the alien's illusions... or if this was yet another part of the ruse. She was looking forward to some time alone to sort out her thoughts. But for now, it was good to be able to grasp Chakotay's arm, without her hand passing through him, and to feel his solid, warm presence.

They limped back to the undamaged shuttle and climbed in. After putting the patients in the back, Tuvok took the pilot's seat with the Doctor acting as co-pilot. Once they were under way, the Doctor headed to the back, to treat Chakotay's wounds.

Chakotay tried to be patient as the Doctor examined him, ran the dermal regenerator over the cuts and bruises, and administered a hypo. He tried not to fidget, but he was distracted by the Captain. She was lying quietly on the opposite bunk. The Doctor had asked her to lie down and rest on the return flight, and she had complied without comment.

When the Doctor was finished with Chakotay, he gave the Captain a last check. Setting the tricorder aside, he walked back over with a hypospray. She flinched as he approached, "What is that, Doctor?"

"This?" He asked, holding up the hypo. "Just an analgesic for the headache and other aches and pains you're going to start feeling as soon as you're out of shock." He said with a disarming smile. She pulled back and put her hand up to ward him off. "Captain, you may not realize it yet, but you had quite a nasty bump on the head and several scrapes and bruises I had to heal. You're going to want this before we get back to Voyager." He looked from his hesitant patient back to Chakotay. "It's the same thing I gave the Commander."

She looked at Chakotay, and he nodded. She put her arm down and lay back against the bunk. There was no point in resisting them. Either it was another illusion and she would die again, or this was real and she actually needed the hypo. It was pointless to worry...but she still flinched when he injected her.

"There, now if you have any more pain, let me know, Captain." He nodded at them both before making his way back to the front of the ship.

She turned her head back, to stare at the ceiling. "How long was I out? Down on the planet." She asked, ignoring his question.

Chakotay thought for a minute. "You were in an out for about 30 minutes," he said, not sure how much to tell her at this point. When she didn't respond after a minute, he asked, "How long did it seem to you?"

There was a pause. "It seemed a lot longer." Then she turned her head to the wall.

Chakotay rose slightly and, after hesitating for a moment, he moved over to sit on the edge of the bunk. Reaching down, he took her hand in his. "I said, it felt a lot longer for me too. I was so relieved when the Doctor arrived. I was afraid I had..." his voice trailed off then.

"I was afraid you would die, and there was nothing I could do about it." He said, squeezing her hand tightly.

A few minutes later, the shuttle landed smoothly on Voyager. The Doctor walked to the back and surveyed his patients, catching Chakotay's eye. Chakotay shook his head slightly, and the Doctor nodded in reply.

The Captain began to stir, getting ready to get up, but the Doctor put a hand on her shoulder. "Captain, there's no need to get up. I've arranged a site-to-site transport for both of you." He leaned down and whispered conspiratorially. "The Commander's looking a little pale, and we wouldn't want him to faint in one of the corridors, would we?"

She wasn't fooled for a moment, but she also knew they were trying to protect her. She considered for a moment whether she should be annoyed, and realized she didn't have the energy for it. None of this mattered. At any moment the alien would pop out, in one form or another, and kill her again. Maybe it would be a transporter accident this time, she mused grimly.

The transporter grabbed them, taking them directly to sickbay. They materialized in sickbay. Kathryn was transported to a bio-bed, while Chakotay and the Doctor appeared nearby. The Doctor put Chakotay on the next bio-bed and began complete med-scans on him. Once that was underway, he walked to Kathryn, and pressed the button to raise the diagnostic panels. Her reaction was immediate - elevated heart rate, respiration, and adrenalin - in short, terror. She grabbed the panel as it arced over her and frantically tried to push it away.

"Captain! Remain calm, I just need to give you a thorough scan and make sure you're stable. I'm conducting the same procedure on the Commander."

She tried to relax and released her grip on the panels. "I'm sorry, Doctor. I'm not sure what's wrong with me."

"Not to worry." He said pleasantly, "You had a rough time. I'd be surprised if you weren't a little jumpy." He turned to collect some equipment and exchanged a worried glance with Chakotay. Then he walked over to his office to begin entering the data into his console for analysis.

She noticed Chakotay had been watching her intently. "I'm fine, Chakotay. Just a little shook up after that landing you almost made." She smiled weakly and he knew she was trying to divert him.

"Kathryn, how are you really feeling?" He took a deep breath and decided to plunge ahead." The Doctor said he got readings that indicated you weren't alone in there."

She sighed and put a hand to her temple before looking back at him. "There was an alien. It tried to convince me I was dead and to go with it into 'its matrix'. Like a fly caught in a spider web." She fell silent again, and Chakotay started to say something.

"Alright. I'll be here when you're ready." He said, gently, lying back to rest on the bed and wait.

They lay there quietly for the next 30 minutes, each occupied with their own thoughts, while the Doctor puttered around sickbay. "Captain, I have some good news for you. I can't detect any residual affects from the alien. Aside from some bumps and bruises, you're fine. However, I would like for both of you to take a couple of days off to rest and recuperate fully before returning to duty."

"Fine, Doctor. I'd like to tidy up a few things in my ready room first and then I'll be in my cabin." There were a few moments of silence while the Doctor added several new subroutines, and exchanged an amazed look with Chakotay.

"Yes Captain, you're free to go. Commander, can I depend on you to make sure both of you get some rest?"

"Of course, Doctor." He said, as he stood up. "Shall I escort you back to your cabin, Captain?" She nodded, and followed him out of sickbay. He dropped her at her cabin so she could get cleaned up before heading to her ready room. He wasn't sure getting her out of there would be as easy, but he was clever and resourceful, and if all else failed, there was the Doctor.... Although having him relieve her of duty was definitely an option of last resort.

He showered and changed into a fresh uniform. After that he had an errand or two to run before collecting Kathryn. Hopefully that would give her enough time to 'tidy up' whatever it was in her ready room. After a trip to the holodeck and airponics, he arrived back at the bridge and prepared to enter the Captain's inner sanctum.

Tuvok started to get up from the command chair, but Chakotay motioned for him to sit. "As you were, I'm just passing through to collect the Captain. We're on medical for a couple of days, as soon as she closes out a couple things in her ready room."

"Indeed. I was curious about the rose... a sound tactical strategy, Commander." Tuvok said with a nod.

Chakotay grinned, "Wish me luck." He tossed over his shoulder as he rang the door chime, and entered.

She had just finished recording her personal logs and had cleared the PADDs off her desk. Another cup of coffee was next on her agenda, when Chakotay walked in.

She noticed he had something behind his back. Her first thought was a phaser or a hypo, but she shrugged those off. Well, at least she tried to. It was a rose. A lovely rose from Kes' garden.

Trying her best to appear light and unconcerned, they talked briefly about her experience. She took the rose and agreed to go to the holodeck. It wasn't the response Chakotay expected, and it made him slightly apprehensive. Kathryn was definitely not herself.

They arrived at the lake, after a brief detour to change again - this time into civilian clothes. They found a boat waiting, complete with a picnic basket full of food. Chakotay had replicated the contents. He figured Kathryn's system had had enough trauma for one day without adding Neelix's cooking into the mix.

They set sail and headed out into the middle of the lake. It was a clear night and moon was up. It would have been chilly if they had really been there, but the environmental controls provided for a warm wind to sail by.

During dinner, Chakotay managed to coax most of the details out of Kathryn. Days had gone by from her perspective. Days filled with one ordeal after another. He was amazed at her ability to see through the illusions and to finally defeat the alien.

"You should be proud of yourself, Kathryn. We had no idea what you were going through, only that there was another intelligence involved and we couldn't seem to break its hold on you. Not many people would have been able to resist, like you did."

She took the glass he held out, and they toasted her return. "To you, Kathryn," he said.

"It all seemed so real." She said, after tasting the champagne. "I watched you trying to revive me. You were so distraught when I died. I reached out to touch you, but my hand went right through you."

Chakotay shifted in his seat, and looked down. "That part was real. Well, at least the part where I tried to revive you. And when I thought you were dead, I was desperate. I don't know what I would have done if the Doctor hadn't arrived."

"I'm certainly glad he and Tuvok took the other shuttle down after us." She nodded, understanding a little of what he went through. "But then I was back on the ship, several times. It all seemed so real, and so strange at the same time. The Doctor calmly explaining he was going to kill me to 'save' me from the phage, and then the memorial service days later. You all seemed so real. Of course, the Vidiians killed me too, but that was nothing compared to the scenario with the Doctor." She shuddered again.

"Well, that's not surprising. The Vidiians are our enemy. We expect them to try to kill us every time we encounter them. But the Doctor, we trust him with our lives. I'm sure the entity was trying to come up with images that had more emotional shock value to try to throw you off balance."

"Well, the encounter with my father certainly did that. He was always exacting and expected the best from us, but he always supported me. I know he was always proud of me. That was where the entity made his mistake. My father would never have said those things to me." She thought for a moment. "He mistook my feelings of grief over dad and Justin's death for something else. I got over my crippling guilt about not being able to save them years ago. I still regret it, but it doesn't have the power to control me anymore. I think I hadn't even realized that until the entity tried to use it against me," she mused.

Chakotay shook his head, "I suppose it's best to look at the bright side, but I think there must have been an easier way to make that discovery." Janeway smiled back weakly at the joke. She knew he was just trying to lighten the mood, but she couldn't manage it yet.

Taking a long drink from her champagne, she stared out at the water. He waited for her to say something for several long minutes. Finally he broke the silence. "Kathryn, what else happened? What's really bothering you?"

She didn't answer immediately. Instead she fiddled with the stem of her glass and watched the waves lap against the boat.

"How do I know what's real now?" She said, turning back for a moment. He had no idea what to say, so waited for her to explain. She continued. "Are you real? Am I?" She looked back out across the lake. "Will I wake up in a moment, back on the shuttle, talking about talent night?" She shook her head, and turned back to him. "How will I ever know?" She finished in a whisper.

He sat still for a moment, staring into her eyes, striving for the right words to ease her fears, but he was at a loss. Finally, he leaned forward, and held out his hand. "Come over here."

She looked at him for a moment and then took his hand, moving across to sit next to him. He wrapped his arms around her, and they sat quietly for a few minutes. Slowly, she leaned her head in against his shoulder, and slid her arm around, behind his back.

Eventually, he took a deep breath and broke the silence. "I don't know how you can ever be certain what's real. Not after an experience like that. But I don't want you ever to leave. Don't give up," He smiled and squeezed her arm, "and I definitely don't want you to let go."

She chuckled at the last comment, and nestled in closer to him. "Maybe that's it. He wanted me to give up and go into his matrix."

"Alright," he agreed, "but tell me, how did you feel during the time you were with the alien? Did you feel like you do now, or since we returned?"

"I kept dying for one thing. My enemies, and then my friends kept killing me." She looked thoughtful for a moment. "And, he was always at my elbow, pushing me to accept my death, to leave all of you, and to move on - with him."

"And, has anyone told you to let go, since we brought you back from the planet?"

"No," she said, and then chuckled, "not unless you count the Doctor telling me to take it easy."

"Enough already, I get the idea." She interrupted. This time her laugh sounded genuine.

"So, if we continue a couple of days with no one trying to either kill you or convince you you're dead, then that should be the proof." He concluded.

"Ah, but there's a flaw in this plan of yours. What if we actually encounter the Vidiians, or someone even less pleasant?"

"We'll shoot first, ask questions later, and protect our Captain!" He pronounced, waving his fist for emphasis.

"They haven't got a chance. I feel much better." She giggled. It sounded wonderful to him, even though he knew this wasn't over yet. You don't just bounce back from being killed, repeatedly.

He pushed that idea to the back of his mind and concentrated instead on the woman in his arms. Sighing contentedly, he pulled her in closer and rested his chin on her head. She responded by setting her glass on the bench and snuggling into him.

"I mean, what if I am a figment of your mind. What sort of things might I do that you wouldn't be expecting?"

"Well, take this for example." He said gesturing at the two of them, sitting with her practically in his lap. "This isn't our usual outing you have to admit." He paused. "Not that I'm complaining," he added quickly.

"It's not one of our usual business meetings. It's not even like one of our dinners together." She straightened up and looked into his face. Sliding a hand up from his waist, she cupped the side of his face. "But I think I'd like to start doing this more often."

He stared at her, unable to move, not sure how to respond. Now it was his turn to wonder if this was real. "Kathryn, I'd like that. I'd like it very much. But.... and I know I'm going to kick myself for this later, why?"

She suddenly couldn't help laughing. And then a moment later, he was shocked to find she had kissed him. Just a quick peck, but yes, it was a kiss. He was almost certain of it. Then her felt her forehead press against his, and her hand on the back of his neck. She was still shaking slightly with laughter, but then she stilled.

"When you've seen your life flash before your eyes, even once, you get a chance to do some thinking. My feelings about my father's death weren't the only revelation I had. It brought a number of things into focus for me. And I went through that several times. I got a crash course in priorities, Chakotay. And I discovered that life is too short to waste on what other's think I should do."

"I think I should lead this crew home. But realistically, this crew may never see the Alpha Quadrant, so I need to make this ship a home for them. And that starts with the Captain setting the proper example and, as Tom would say, getting a life."

Chakotay sighed, letting out a large breath. He wrapped his arms around Kathryn, and pulled her head into his chest. Rocking slightly, he held her tightly and gently caressed her back. She reached her arms, up around his neck, and relaxed into him.

They sat together like that for some time, watching the stars and the waves, until the computer rudely announced that their holodeck time was up.

"Well, that certainly never happened in one of my dreams," she said. "Shall I pull rank and commandeer the holodeck for a while longer?"

She felt a gentle laugh rumble through his chest. "I think it's important for the crew to get their recreational time, don't you, Kathryn?" She arched an eyebrow. Before she could comment he continued, "and besides, there are more comfortable places to continue this conversation than on this boat. No matter how beautiful the scenery is." Not waiting for an answer, he leaned in slowly and kissed her softly. She sighed happily and began to return the kiss, when he pulled away, placing a finger on her lips. "Someone will be walking through that door in three minutes."

"Good point," she said, standing quickly and holding out her hand. He stood and took her arm. The boat and the lake dissolved at a command. She picked up her rose from the floor, and together they walked out of the holodeck and into the corridor.

The Captain and Commander managed to blend their personal and professional relationships with more ease than either had anticipated. Of course there were some interesting moments. Soon after they officially became a couple, Chakotay was injured by Vorik when pon farr struck him. It left Chakotay unable to participate in an away mission a few days later, leaving Harry Kim to deal with Riley Frazier and her collective. Harry's ordeal on the planet came in handy a year later when his residual neural link was instrumental in separating Seven of Nine from the Borg and saving Voyager. An even more fortunate situation in light of the Captain's medical condition at the time. She had had to turn over command of Voyager temporarily to Tuvok as she and the first officer were in sickbay, occupied with the birth of their first child. But that is another story...

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Reality Check

by Anne Rose